Yarra's Adventure Notes-Chapter 1443 - 229: Hero

"Does no one truly know?" Catherine retorted. "I don’t believe that. The heroes who accompanied you, each one of them just happened to overlook your actions? Perhaps others might do so, but at the very least, Her Majesty Flare would never completely take her attention off you. She must know what you did. Am I right?" freewёbn૦νeɭ.com

Pannis was silent, because Catherine was not wrong at all. Flare had once told him in person that she actually knew what he had done.

"You see, the moment you remained silent, I knew I was right," Catherine said with a satisfied smile as the knightly girl spoke softly, "Her Majesty Flare was aware of your deeds and still held affection for you. This means, perhaps the end of the story isn’t as impactful as you imagined, nor significant enough to change our minds."

"She... indeed, but that’s because she wasn’t exactly right in the head." Pannis sighed helplessly, "If it were someone else, I fear they wouldn’t maintain the same attitude as her."

"Is that really the case?" Catherine said, with a sardonic smile, "How can you be sure your thoughts are right or wrong if you don’t speak up? Perhaps everyone thinks that your actions were not a big deal at all."

"Not a big deal?" Pannis laughed bitterly. "How could it not be a big deal? I had just awakened from confusion when I saw Danacus rushing toward me at great speed. I knew his target was my body, and I knew how to deal with it. Before entering the Realm of the Dead, Mina had told us how one of her kin had dealt with a Divine Soul that sought to seize a body. So, I knew that inflicting self-harm the moment the Divine Soul invaded the body could greatly injure the intruder, as that moment is when the Divine Soul is most vulnerable, the best opportunity to achieve our goal. What I needed to do was prepare for everything and, as Nellie would later do, kill myself the instant he invaded my body. Every one of us was prepared, ready to take that final step if things got that bad. Before facing Danacus, I had simulated in my mind countless times what I would do if I were chosen, what moment and method I would use to execute the final step. I think not just I, but each of us had carried out such simulations, because only then could we avoid being unprepared and failing, as there would be only one chance, and failure was something none could afford."

"That’s right, I would think the same if it were me," Catherine said thoughtfully after considering the stance of the heroes back then. She nodded, "Choosing to die is not an easy matter. It’s hard to react appropriately without mental preparation in advance."

"You would hardly believe, but that was the first time I faced inevitable death so closely," Pannis sighed, his voice filled with melancholy, "I have been through countless battles and faced life-threatening situations many times. However, I had never been in a scenario where death was certain. Every danger was within controllable limits, with strength and willpower to dissipate it. Those experiences, dangerous as they were, only I knew that as long as I did my utmost, I could survive, without truly dying. So, I never understood what it felt like to watch death approach closer and closer. I always thought I was prepared for death, but in reality, it was just an illusion. I wasn’t prepared at all and had no idea how terrible the onset of death could be."

"No wonder," Vivian suddenly realized, speaking softly, "When we first met, you had scoffed at the safety measures the Adventurer’s Guild set up at the entrance of Crying Cave. No wonder you kept emphasizing that without facing a real test of life and death, one couldn’t grow into a qualified adventurer. I always wondered why you had that attitude. Now I finally understand."

"Only by struggling out of a situation where death is certain can one’s soul become stronger. I thought I had experienced that, but it was a misunderstanding," Pannis said with self-deprecation, "Furthermore, having endured Divine Punishment for a long time and having experienced countless deaths, the pain and terror of the death process were all too clear to me. It was as though that pain and terror were infinitely magnified in my consciousness, overwhelming my entire Psychic World. I must admit, at that moment, I was starting to feel afraid. Previous death experiences, though vivid, could be rationalized as false, so I could endure them. But this time it was real. The thought of enduring such a terrifying sensation threw me into complete disarray. I can’t even be sure what I was thinking at the time; all I can remember is that my mind was blank."

"So, you hesitated?" Catherine sighed, "Perhaps it was not fear, just confusion that led to helplessness. It’s normal for someone who has not faced death before to react that way."

"Hesitated? Haha, do you think it was just a hesitation?" Pannis’s smile was full of scorn as he said, "I did much more than hesitate. My first reaction was to step back."

Catherine was stunned, her mouth opened but no sound came out, as if she had yet to fully grasp the implications of what Pannis had said.

"Do you remember the scene at that time? Haha, Nellie stood right next to me, at my side. Originally, she wasn’t close to me, but she moved closer to offer a supportive shoulder. She encouraged me by my side constantly, urging me to regain my composure, to believe in myself once more, reminding me that I was a hero," Pannis’s voice carried deep contempt, "A hero, haha, a true hero indeed. By stepping back, I effectively exposed Nellie to the Soul of Danacus or, to put it more precisely, I hid behind her, letting her face death in my place. Ironic, isn’t it? Just when I began to believe in myself again, to muster up courage, reality punctured through my facade, showing me my own cowardice and baseness. It made me finally understand what kind of ’hero’ I truly was."

The girls all fell into silence. In that moment, they finally understood the reason for Pannis’s long-standing pain and remorse. Facing life-threatening danger, retreating is often an animal instinct, but such a small instinctual response at the wrong time, in the wrong place, can lead to irreversible consequences.