Yarra's Adventure Notes-Chapter 1439 - 225: Recollection

"You wouldn’t know how much I’m grateful to you." Seeing that the girls had stopped speaking and were only biting their lips staring at him, Pannis sighed softly, "Really, this gratitude is beyond your imagination. Since the Undead War, I’ve wandered alone on the Yarran Continent for over a hundred years. During these years, every day I lived in agony, every day I was madly punishing myself. During that time, I didn’t think I had a future, nor did I believe that I had any hope. I felt that someone like me didn’t deserve to face hope, that I should be eternally damned and forever despised."

"So that’s how you treated yourself?" The girls thought back to the scene when they first met and couldn’t help but smile slightly, Catherine shook her head gently, "When we first met, I couldn’t understand at all why there would be such a person in the world, and even more incomprehensible was how you could still survive living that way."

"Because I simply couldn’t die ah, if I could have died, I would have died long ago," Pannis said with self-mocking laughter, "Death, for me at that time, was the greatest relief. I was always craving death because only through death could I avoid facing the past, not live every day in nightmares. Unfortunately, my body didn’t have the state of death, it was just a luxury for me, so I could only struggle to survive like that, until you appeared before me."

"That day, at first, you mistook me for Lady Nellie, didn’t you?" Catherine chuckled lightly, "I understood after I knew your identity."

"Well, I couldn’t help it," Pannis said noncommittally, "In these hundred years, I’ve met countless people, experienced countless things, and there were not those who didn’t try to reach out to help me, to be friends with me, to try changing my living conditions, to make me cheer up, holding such intentions. I’ve met a few, but no one was like you, without any ulterior motives, simply reaching out their hands to help me seek redemption. I couldn’t even understand for a moment that there could be such people in the world? It was simply unbelievable."

"Why would it be unbelievable?" Catherine countered, "Aren’t you and Lady Nellie like that?"

"Maybe we were in the past, but by then, I had stopped believing that what I did in the past was right, I thought all of it was wrong, so I believed such people shouldn’t exist in the world," Pannis sighed, "At that time, my heart was actually filled with malice, well, maybe not exactly malice, but seeing you reminded me of her and myself. So, during the time in the cave, I always had the mindset of waiting to see what would happen to you, hoping very much to see you fail again and again like me, and to deny your own beliefs, deny everything."

"Ha, you were such a bad guy back then," Lina moved closer to Pannis, smacking his back hard as she spoke, "Luckily, we didn’t give you the chance."

"Hey hey, don’t mess around at such a serious moment," Pannis tried to dodge the playful Lina, continuing, "Indeed, you didn’t give me that chance. I only saw that no matter what you faced, you were fighting your hardest, and not just fighting yourselves, but also never forgetting your original intentions, constantly holding my hand and moving forward with me. It showed that you truly wanted to help me find redemption."

"That was just because we heard the cries in your heart," Vivian pointed to her chest, "We heard your desperate cries for redemption, so we couldn’t let go of your seeking hand."

"Heh, I don’t remember ever crying out," Pannis quipped, "I just knew that a few fools took it upon themselves to drag me forward."

"But, you were still moved," Catherine’s eyes twinkled with amusement, "So, you cooperated very well with us pulling you along, didn’t you?"

"What do you think? Do you really think that just scolding me would make me obediently leave with you?" Pannis winked mysteriously, "Or do you think, by using such clumsy tactics, tricking me into smashing a bottle of the swapped and already ineffective Life Force Potion, I would just foolishly fall for it? That was just Lina’s little scheme she read about in a book, do you still remember who the author of that book was? Heh, I actually saw both of them write that novel."

"Indeed, you had already seen through it then," the priest girl was not surprised, she wrinkled her nose and made a face, "And you’ve been keeping it all in mind, so petty."

"Heh, I remember every single thing," Pannis smiled, speaking softly, "When I left with you, I actually didn’t hold much hope, I just wanted to see to what extent you could strive. But I must admit, as time passed, I was gradually attracted by you, more and more hoping to see you continue onward. Until one day, I suddenly looked back and realized, unexpectedly I had entered your world, gradually changing my mindset, no longer hoping to see your downfall, but instead hoping to see the joy of your success. And you, you fulfilled my wish, no matter how difficult the situation, you successfully got through it, step by step walking towards success."

"That’s because you were standing behind us," Catherine gripped Pannis’s hand, "Each one of us could tell, you were secretly guiding us, keeping us on the right path. Perhaps only someone like you could achieve all this.

"You’ve always carried the burden of my redemption, I couldn’t just stand by watching," Pannis looked down at his hand being held, speaking softly, "Each of you carries pain, yet never gave up hope, and likewise never gave up seeking hope for me. If all of you could go to such lengths, what right do I have to say I can’t do it? So, because of your push from behind, I could only try to find ways to rebuild my confidence and seek my own redemption like you."

"Luckily, you found it," Catherine breathed a sigh of relief, "Because you found it, so did we all, not to mention, it was our mutual luck."

"Yes, I found it, in the depths of Sacred Mountain on the Beastmen Prairie," Pannis nodded, "At that time I almost collapsed again, if I had collapsed, then there truly wouldn’t have been any hope left. Fortunately, you forced me to really face myself for the first time, and from there I found the path to my own redemption. That time, just like I said before, you could never imagine how grateful I was to you."