There's No Love In the Deathzone (BL)-Chapter 755: Side Story 4. Endless Journey - 38

Being left in the mansion, Kar and Byul went to the backyard, where they spent a lot of time playing at throughout their childhood.

With how often they spent their time there, the children already knew the mansion like the back of their hands, and the house staff already knew all of their likes and dislikes. Unfortunately, they hadn’t played together for the past few years since the twins had gotten busy with school, so Byul was happy to reminisce about their childhood days with Kar that afternoon.

"Uncle used to put a playground over here, right?" Byul patted the grass with his foot, smiling at the memory.

Even though it was only three years ago.

"Dad used to say that it would be easier to build a permanent one rather than renting it every time we came to play," Kar chuckled. "But then again, who would use it once we grow up?"

Grow up...Byul didn’t really like that terms. Growing up was what made them rarely see each other anymore. He glanced at the older boy, who kept growing taller and taller and made him feel like a gnome. freēnovelkiss.com

"You were very cool earlier, Hyung..." he muttered while fiddling with the red leaves in his hand.

Kar arched his brow. "Just earlier?"

"You’re always cool," Byul grinned in response. "But I’ve never seen you in combat practice before--it was like seeing a movie."

"Yeah?"

"I wonder if the people in those movies are espers too..." Byul tilted his head. He couldn’t see anything catered for adults, of course, but a lot of heroic action movies these days were made so kids could see them too.

He heard there was even a talk about making a movie out of Operation Fallen Star, but their fathers and uncles, who had the biggest contribution, rejected the proposal. Some ’adaptations’ that did not involve the portrayal of real people were still made somehow, but it wasn’t like Uncle Dia could prevent every creative rendition out there.

"Some espers act, I think." Kar stroked his chin to recall. He wasn’t really keen on popular culture, unlike his twin. "Aunt Rina used to appear in movies too, you know."

Byul widened his eyes. "Really?"

"Long ago though, before we were born."

"Wow..." the boy, who only thought famous people were those appearing on television, didn’t even know that his father and uncles were more famous than some of the movie stars. "Can we still find it?"

"Should be," Kar looked toward the mansion. "Maybe Uncle Dia has it in the archive. Do you want to look for it now? We can check in the library and watch it if it’s not rated for adults."

"Yeah!"

Kar observed the boy while they asked the house staff for the movies and dramas on the digital archive. Byul had always been shy and quiet most of the time, but there was something about him that day that made the boy seem gloomy. Still looked cute nonetheless, but it made Kar feel bad.

He wondered what it was. When he was twelve, he did think about a lot of uselessly heavy stuff, and he knew Byul had a habit of thinking about things alone for a long time before deciding if he wanted to speak to someone else.

Hmm...maybe he should just wait. Kar decided as the house staff led them to the audio-visual room, which was more apt to be called a mini theater. The screen basically filled one of the walls, and they could watch the movies while enjoying the abundant snacks that the house staff prepared for them. The butler even slipped in a soda, which Uncle Dia usually prohibited.

How nice. Even Kar loved some sugar from time to time.

He didn’t watch movies much, but he thought the shows were quite fun. Since it was something that children could see, the plot was nothing complicated, but the visuals were delightful. It was the kind of entertainment that could be enjoyed without thinking too much.

If there was a downside, it was a bit boring for him who had been surrounded by high-ranking espers since his infancy.

Byul seemed to enjoy it too, especially when they saw someone they knew in real life. He would jump on his seat during the exciting part, and clutch on Kar’s arm when it was full of tension. The boy wasn’t this expressive when he was around other people, so Kar felt a strange feeling of pride knowing those were the expressions only he and the boy’s family could see.

But then, as the credit rolled on a dark background, the boy’s smile waned. It didn’t look like a disappointment because the movie was bad, however. At least in Kar’s eyes.

"Do you not like the movie?" Kar asked.

The boy was startled and shook his head. "Huh? No, I like it."

"Then why the long face?" Kar stroked the boy’s cheek with the back of his fingers.

Byul fidgeted slightly, pressing his lips and scrunching his nose as if he were having trouble deciding whether or not he wanted to talk. Kar smiled and poured soda into the boy’s glass, handed it over to the fidgeting hands so Byul could relax.

"It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me," he patted the boy’s head gently.

"No, I..."

Byul paused and sipped on the soda instead, gulping about half of it until he burped. Taking a deep breath, he looked at Kar and asked quietly, although it was only them in that room.

"Hyung, have you ever...wondering what you’re here for?"

"Huh?"

"I mean...why you’re an esper, or..." the dark eyes glanced toward the screen, which was showing a post-credit scene as a hint for the next movie. "Have you ever thought what would you do if you couldn’t awaken?"

"Hmm..." Kar muted the movie and crossed his arms, thinking back to the time before he was nine. It was more than seven years ago, though...everything was rather blurry. In the end, he just shrugged. "Not really."

"Oh..." Byul pulled his legs up, folding them close to his chest. "You must always know you’ll awaken one day."

"No, not that," Kar chuckled and shoom his head. "I just...never thought about it yet. I mean, Father said it’s not too late to think about it in high school," he shrugged again. "All I knew was I wanted to do something about the other Deathzone."

Byul looked at the older boy in confusion. Wasn’t that basically the same? But Kar smiled and explained it. "Back then, Father said there’s a lot of things we can do aside from being an esper."

"Like what?"

"Like preparing logistics, making equipment, researching the field...all kinds of things supporting espers and guides are done by regular people, you know."

"Oh..."

Watching the boy fiddling with the half-empty glass, Kar finally understood why the boy had been looking gloomy. With Nari finally awakened, he became the only one who was not in their group. At that point, Byul already understood that he wouldn’t ever be awakened, merely by remembering that he couldn’t get close to Lucy and the twins before.

He wasn’t stupid. He could already find out how normal people react to mana from the book and the link. It was clear to him that he wouldn’t be an esper of a guide like the other. Of course, he also knew that there were even more people out there like him, who were not awakened.

But for a child growing up surrounded by awakened, whose closest and most precious people were awakened...it was hard.

"I..." Byul put his face between his knees, lips curving downward. "When I look at you and Noona and Asa Hyung--even Lucy...I always think you are very cool."

"Because we’re awakened?"

"Mm..."

The boy stared at the black screen, which soon shifted to a still picture of the movie’s glorious poster.

"You can save people and do big things like those people in the movies," he said quietly. "I know it’s not good for me to think like this, but...I feel envious."

Kar sighed inwardly. He was right; the boy was thinking about useless things. But while it was useless for Kar, who didn’t care whether or not Byul would awaken, he knew it wasn’t the case for the boy. Even since he was a baby, Byul always felt sad because he couldn’t play with everyone when Lucy was there--not fully. All children always want to fit into their group, and as the only non-awaken, the thought that he did not fit would always appear.

For the boy, it wasn’t useless.

It wasn’t about ’I still can do something to be useful’, it was more of a sweltering doubt about whether or not he would still have a place among their group in the future. Not only he couldn’t go to the same academy, but he also knew he wouldn’t be able to work in the same space.

Even if it was working as a support, it wouldn’t be in the same space.

Kar took the glass from the boy’s hands and put it away. "Do you want to awaken because you want to do those cool things?" he brushed the boy’s fringe to look at the hidden face. "Or is it so you can be together with us?"

The boy flinched and buried his face even deeper, as if Kar had just dug and exposed his biggest, deepest secret. "I’m...I’m sorry..." he squeak weakly. "I know it’s not right to think like that..."

Kar exhaled slowly and asked in a softer tone. "Byul...do you think I’ll always be with Asa?"

"Huh?" the boy looked up. "Well...won’t he become your guide, hyung?"

"Yeah, but he has no intention of joining a guild," Kar shrugged. "He said he’ll become a freelancer and focus on his spaceship project."

The black eyes blinked slowly in surprise. "But...wouldn’t people talk? Uncle Zein was..."

"Yes, they will. Those who know in the academy are already talking. Asa knows this; he knew from the start--that was why it took him so long to decide," Kar said. "But it doesn’t matter for him because our fathers said it doesn’t matter."

"Oh..."

"And for us, it doesn’t matter if you’re not awakened. It doesn’t matter to me," Kar repeated. "Look--we can still meet up like this, right? I haven’t seen Asa since our birthday, but I have already met you like this. In the future, I would probably only see him if I need a guiding--or, you know...if fathers call us."

Byul blinked again. He knew very well how inseparable the twins were in the past. He had heard the story about Asa crying so miserably the first time they went to school.

"You see? Being awakened doesn’t guarantee us staying together. Heh--it doesn’t even guarantee we will act cool like in those movies," Kar chuckled. "If what you want is to stay together, I can promise you we’ll still be able to do that. If you’re worried about what other people would say, well...just ignore them like Asa."

"That..."

"It’s not easy, I know," Kar smiled. "But other people don’t know us, do they? We love you; we want to hang around with you. Is that not enough for you?"

Kar playfully made a sad face, and the boy adorably panicked, clutching the older’s hands and shaking his head quickly. "It’s enough! It’s enough!"

The older boy laughed and squeezed Byul’s cheeks until the boy pursed his lips in annoyance and smacked him instead--only to panic again and apologize afterward.

Kar laughed while ruffling the boy’s hair until it became a mess, and glanced at the still screen. "You know...you can always do movies too if you want to be a cool esper or guide."

Byul widened his eyes. "...oh!"