The Amusing Adventures of a Directionally Challenged Dad and Daughter-Chapter 161

The heavy rain flushed out small animals from the mountains—some big ones too.

For instance, the python currently crawling up the river by Chang'an's doorstep. It had probably been sleeping in its den when its home got flooded.

So now it was fleeing for its life.

But this refugee was downright terrifying—a creature this size could easily swallow a live cow whole. Was it on the verge of becoming a spirit? fɾeeweɓnѳveɭ.com

During their usual mountain escapades, they’d never encountered such a massive python. Where had it come from?

The moment Chang'an opened the courtyard gate, she locked eyes with it. The air froze in silence.

Then came Chang'an’s ear-splitting scream: "Daaaad! Your distant relative’s here!"

Even the python flinched, instinctively sliding back into the water a little before remembering—Hey, I’m a python! Why should I fear this tiny human?

Chang'an nimbly ducked into her pocket dimension. By the time Old Gu Six rushed out, all he saw was a bewildered python frozen on the riverbank, staring motionless at the doorway.

It had clearly been shocked by his daughter’s sudden vanishing act.

When the python sensed Old Gu Six, danger alarms blared in its mind. It flicked its tongue, trying to intimidate him.

But before it could even muster a threatening glare, Old Gu Six lunged forward and pummeled the poor serpent relentlessly.

The python couldn’t fight back—Old Gu Six’s aura was too overpowering.

Tears welled in its eyes (metaphorically, since snakes don’t cry). I was just napping peacefully until my home flooded. I came out to find a new spot to sleep, and now I’m getting beaten up by this lunatic?

Life ​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​​​​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​​​​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌​​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​​​​‌‌​​​​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​​​​‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​​‌​‌‌​​‌​​​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌‌​​‌‍was truly unfair.

"You scared my daughter. Pay compensation, and I’ll let you go."

The python: I know I’m not human, but you’re truly a demon.

Its home was underwater—what "treasures" could it possibly have? It was a broke snake now. Do whatever you want.

The python resigned itself to its fate. Beat me if you must.

Old Gu Six, however, was determined to extort something. He nudged it with his foot. "If you don’t have anything on you, go forage in the mountains. Ginseng, lingzhi—I’m not picky."

Hiss hiss! You think those grow like cabbage?! If it had good luck, it wouldn’t have run into him in the first place.

The python exhaled weakly, too exhausted to articulate its despair.

"Hurry up. If I catch you napping, I’ll drag you out of whatever hole you hide in."

Hiss… hiss… It wanted to sob. Since when did this mountain get a psychopath?

The Heavenly Dao forbade animals from cultivating into spirits, right? So what was this guy?

Don’t tell it he was human. No human could be this ruthless.

Grudgingly, the python slithered toward the mountains at a glacial pace.

The protective array around the house had been lifted after the rain stopped—otherwise, Chang'an wouldn’t have seen the python when she opened the door.

Only after it left did Chang'an emerge from her pocket dimension. Old Gu Six reassured her, "Don’t worry, kiddo. That python’s awakened intelligence. It won’t harm anyone."

He paused, then added, "Though not all intelligent snakes are good. Some are vicious. But generally, if the Heavenly Dao hasn’t smote them, they’ve accumulated enough virtue to be harmless."

The tired father sighed internally. You’re a dragon cub—why fear a mere python?

Chang'an: Excuse me?!

She still didn’t know she was a dragon, okay?

The rain stopped, and no further floods came. The river by their door returned to normal within two days.

Under clear skies, Chang'an dragged her lazy father into the mountains to forage for mushrooms.

"Dad, remember how we mocked the silver wolf for forgetting its cub? Did we forget something too?" Chang'an tossed a red-capped mushroom into her basket before recalling—her mother was still buried on that seaside mountain.

Old Gu Six swiftly plucked the toxic mushroom out and flung it away. That thing’ll send us to an early grave.

He frowned, drawing a blank. "What did we forget?"

"Uh, Grandpa and Mom? Did you dig them up?" (¬_¬)

"Not forgotten—left there on purpose. That’s prime burial real estate. Finding another spot that good would be tough.

Let them rest there for now. If we find a better place later, we’ll move them."

Their karmic ties had been severed during reburial. Still, if a superior location turned up, he’d relocate them.

Chang'an tilted her head. Was it really that great a spot? Scenic, sure, but she wasn’t an expert on feng shui.

"Fine. We’ll scout for alternatives here later."

Old Gu Six kept a vigilant eye on the basket. His daughter foraged mushrooms like a reckless tornado, giving him heart attacks with every handful.

[Can you two focus on actual work?]

Old Master’s sudden appearance startled Chang'an, crushing the mushroom in her grip.

She rolled her eyes. "This is work. We’re relieving Mother Nature’s surplus."

[Your dad poked holes in the sky—twice! You aware of that?]

"Don’t pin Purple Extreme’s mess on him! That was one time!"

Old Master: Oops. Forgot her memory’s spotty.

[…I say it counts. You can’t hide after wrecking things. Get out and fix it.]

"You told us to lay low! Now you want free labor? Name a price, or no deal."

[It’s your mess! Why should I pay you to clean it?!]

"Pay up or buzz off. If the sky’s so fragile my dad can puncture it, isn’t that the Heavenly Dao’s fault?

A competent cosmos wouldn’t let him run amok. Conclusion: you owe us wages."

Old Master: …Almost got conned.

[At least hear the job first?]

"Go on." Chang'an was curious. What catastrophe followed the sky’s perforation?

[Natural disasters are rampant again—partly your dad’s fault, partly due to uninvited guests slipping through spacetime rifts.]

[The legal ones are manageable, but the unregistered rogues? No rules, no limits. Unchecked, they’ll collapse this realm. And if the world resets, your dad’s tribulation restarts.]

Chang'an tugged her hair in frustration. "Can’t we just chill till the finale? Old Master, tell me—do these troublemakers have ‘systems’?"

[Huh? You know about those?]

"Obviously. They get cheat codes; I’m just a normie. How am I supposed to fight them? This is a suicide mission!"

"…How about you issue me an official system?"

[You don’t need one. Trust me, you’ve got this. Kids can’t say ‘can’t.’]

"Let’s table the ‘can’t’ debate. Let’s talk salaries. If this is Dad’s mess, fine—he works for free. But I deserve pay. No double free labor."

"Expel the intruders and seal the rift, and you'll get 20,000 virtue points."

"Make it 50,000 flat."

"25,000."

"60,000."

"Fine, fine, 50,000 it is!"

If this haggling went on any longer, he'd be the one accused of being stingy.

"Payment upfront—transfer it to my dad."

Grumbling under his breath, the Old Master wired his "wonderful son" the 50,000 virtue points. Old Gu Six grinned from ear to ear—this was the perk of having a daughter.

Seeing his dear old dad about to bolt again, Old Gu Six sent out a wisp of his consciousness to cling to the man's leg.

"Dad, throw in a little extra."