SEX WITH MY BEST FRIEND'S FIANCÉ-Chapter 26 - TWENTY SIX

- HAZEL -

I still can’t sleep. This time, it’s not insomnia or thoughts keeping me awake, nor is it the noise from the tv. I sigh, well, it partially is. Just knowing he’d rather stay up all night than join me crushes my soul.

I’m not asking for anything intimate, even if I want that, just a hug will do. I sigh and rolled to the side, clutching my hands under my pillow.

Although it’s so tempting to want more. It’s so tempting to be self centered just this once.

My body folded and I wrapped my arms around each other. It’s cold. His windows are open and I think he likes it this way, despite the curtains being pulled shut. I ran my eyes around his bedside. There’s no clock or anything here and I’m not with my phone so I don’t know what the time is, but I won’t be surprised if it’s a few minutes to five am. I am so fatigued but unlike before, I’m self cautious. Am I that bad to share a bed with? Or is this just his way of avoiding me?

"Not tired yet?" I ask, murmuring. My voice quivered and is tiny so I don’t think he heard me. "Killian?" I called, still keeping my tone low.

"I am." He responded.

"Not tired enough to sleep?" I adjusted myself to a pose that gives me the chance to look at him.

Killian stretched with a groan. "Even if I want to, I can’t. This sofa is uncomfortable to be on."

Ah... I see. My throat tightened. There are so many rooms in this house. The fact he’s choosing to stay here, in his room yet willing to stay awake and not join me hits a nerve.

"Do I make you uncomfortable?"

"No."

"Then why would you rather stay there than share a bed with me?" I tried to keep my eyes on his but he’s avoiding my gaze.

"I won’t." Killian responded. His short replies don’t make this any easier or more believable.

"Then?" I questioned, raising my tone a bit.

"I’m trying not to make you uncomfortable, Hazel, fuck!" He sighed. That sounded like he was tired of hearing me speak. Doesn’t mean I would succumb to that though.

"How?" I pushed, sitting up.

"You’re alone in the house of a man you know nothing about. Don’t you think any form of contact or closeness would ring a warning bell?"

Oh. I understand his point but I didn’t ask for this. He’s my teacher. I even fucked him before I knew anything about his identity so this doesn’t make any fucking sense. He should just tell me it’s because of Kate and I would fucking get it! "I’m here because I want to be." I replied calmly.

"Technically, you’re here because I dragged you here."

"Not into your room." I felt my teeth biting my lip before I realised I was doing it. It’s become a habit. I do that when I’m nervous and sometimes confused. I also do that when I don’t know what to do.

"What do you want then? Tell me Hazel." Killian asks, looking at me. That made me gasp. Even from far away, heat flows through my body.

"Stay with me. Lay down by my side." Trust me when I say that I am embarrassed asking or these things but how can I resist those eyes? His eyes aren’t passionate or cold or dull. They’re definitely not filled with lust or desire. They just are. Twinkling in the dark like a deep blue ocean. It’s mesmerising.

"Should you be asking that?" Killian gets up. Looking at his form as he makes his way to me makes me squirm. "Don’t you think there are things you shouldn’t request? Boundaries you shouldn’t cross?" By the time he finished his sentence, he was leaning over me, on the bed. His hands supports his upper body and his head is facing mine.

"What if I want to cross those boundaries?" I ask.

Killian stares at me for a few seconds like he was trying to look into my soul then pulls back. He chuckles. "Where’s your phone?" He asks.

My face flattened. That’s totally random. "It’s not with me."

He walks to the end of his room then back to me with a jotter and a pen. "Here. Write down your number."

I took it from him hesitantly. "Why?"

"In case you do something stupid again."

I frowned. This is the second time he’s used that word to describe my actions.

"So you’re like my guardian now?" I tease, writing down my number.

"Oh, kitten, you don’t want to know what I am to you." I handed him the jotter with the pen tucked in between some pages. freeweɓnøvel.com

I actually want to but I don’t think I should ask.

"Will you give me yours? Since you have mine."

Killian didn’t respond but his eyes did. He has a wicked smile on his face like someone amused.

"That’s for me to decide, kitten."

An exhale escape my lips. I have told him so many times not to call me that. At this point, I don’t care anymore. He can call me whatever he wants. Killian walked back to the end of the room and returned without the jotter. So what now? Will he join me? I don’t want to come off as persuasive especially when we both know our situation.

A situation I caused and one, despite trying to, I don’t regret. I’ll ask him anyway. I laid down back on the bed.

"Care to join me?"

"Sleep Hazel." That’s not an answer.

"I can’t."

"I don’t think my being on your bed will change that."

Oh my God. Killian is being so stern with me. How hard is it to get a man in my bed? Correction, an engaged man.

I roll my eyes.

"It might. It’s just one of those nights I need a hug to fall asleep. I’ve passed through trauma once. That helps me sometimes."

I don’t know if it’s just me or Killian’s eyes softened for a second. Like he felt what I said.

"Please?" I begged. I really, really, selfishly want to be the one he wakes up to see.

"Sure. But no hugs. And don’t crowd my space." He said. I tried to hide the smile forming on my face. What I said about going through trauma as a child is true though. It’s something I’ve never told anyone because I was ashamed of it. Not even Kate knows. Not even my parents.

"Thanks."

Killian laid on the bed and pulled a duvet over his body. I thought he didn’t feel the breeze. "You didn’t give me much of a choice."

That made me giggle. That’s not true. I’m very sure he’s not a man that can be easily convinced to do something against his will. If he didn’t want to, he would’ve kept to his word.

My cheeks reddened and I drew the duvet over my face to cover my blush. The back of his body is in front of my face and our bodies aren’t in contact in anyway yet this gives me butterflies. I turned to the side, feeling good about myself when a hand wrapped around me. I tensed.

My heart starts racing and I can’t move. I have a huge crush on Killian but I didn’t expect him to do that. I don’t know what he thinks about me and I’m sure I’ve always wanted to be on his bed again but why does this feel so wrong? Why does one touch make me feel so guilty that I want the ground to swallow me? I really feel like a terrible person.

"Killian..." I started, not knowing if I should turn. I fear his hands will rest on my boobs if I even move an inch.

"Relax Hazel, for now, I’m not your teacher. I’m a man."

I never thought about him as more of a teacher than someone I slept with. Is that what he has been thinking all this time?

A sad expression formed on my face. "A taken man." I swallowed. Meant to be married even. And to Kate. My throat creased.

Thinking about this again makes me hate myself for enjoying the comfort of his body but it helps me relax. Brings the sleep that I begged to have a few minutes ago back to me.

Killian’s hands tightened around my shoulders. He’s squeezing my chest at this point and I almost can’t breathe. "Get some rest, Hazel. I’ll let Kate know you’re here. With me."

That doesn’t make me feel any less uneasy but it’s best she knows. She must be worried about me, that is if she’s at the dorm and knocked on my room door. A scoff slid out of my lips, even with his arms around me, he still thinks about her.

"Please do. Thank you." I whispered. My eyelids are barely open. "Goodnight."

"Sleep tight, kitten." Killian whisper

ed into my ears. I felt something sting my neck but before I was able to react to that, sleep took me in. I blacked out.