SEX WITH MY BEST FRIEND'S FIANCÉ-Chapter 141

- KILLIAN -

It’s getting late. I avert my eyes to the rear mirror to catch a view of the lady seated in the back seat. She looks very uncomfortable.

I sigh. I don’t want her to be. I know I messed up big time by being secretive but it’s these secrets that keep her life together and normal. The last thing I’d want is for her to suffer with the knowledge of what I am and the things I’m entangled with, so, even now, despite how hard it is, I can’t give her any information past the ones that she already knows. I don’t want her to be like Kate. . . Or live like Kate.

My fist clenches on the steering. I can’t wait till everything is sorted out and there will be no more secrets. At least, no more obvious secret than my involvement in the underground world, which I hope will be well over, soon enough.

I park my car. The air in the car seems thin as tension rids us of any form of joy.

“I’m here.” I say to her. Hazel peers out the window, taking her seatbelt off.

“In the middle of nowhere, made sure I can’t run. Just great.” She sighs, getting out like staying in the car with me will give her a chronic plague. That hurt, way more than it’s supposed to. She doesn’t even look at me.

I follow after her, walking to her side.

Hazel takes careful steps back with her hand stretched in front of her and palm wide open, signalling me to back away. “Please, don’t come any closer.” She says to me, confirming my thought.

It feels like my heart is ripping into pieces over again and I hate this feeling. I obey her wishes regardless.

“Tell me how far you want me to be from you and I won’t cross it.” I mutter to her, deeply hurt but did my best to sound affectionate.

“Further than you are right now.” Hazel breath. Her eye brows narrow to form a concerned look. “Just don’t come near me.”

I step backwards, keeping my eyes pierced on her. I drove us to the top of a cliff. Far away from society and any buzzing street and town. Just where we can talk without people watching or hearing so at least, she’s feel comfortable saying her mind without the fear of anyone eavesdropping. Now I think this isn’t the best option. Not because of her worrying less, but because I fear she might not want to go back with me.

“Is this okay?” I ask.

Hazel stares at me for a while before nodding. “Very much appreciated, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Anything to make you feel okay.” Even though it burns me deep within my soul. I exhale heavily. “Do you have anything to say before I proceed?”

“Nothing I haven’t already said or you haven’t already seen.” Hazel says. I wonder how she can keep her anger while staring at me without faltering. I’ve never imagined myself being angry at her for so long or at all. But again, she didn’t allow me to befriend an ex and let that ex get close to me without telling me. So is this reaction justifiable? I don’t know, I can’t tell.

I’m worried about what I did to Asami but I’m more concerned about us. She’s the most important person in my life, I’d be damned if I let anything and anyone come between us.

Not when my feelings are still fresh. . . Which they always will be.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking, but Asami and I are nothing but acquaintances who work together.”

The scoff which evades her lips the moment I said that shows her unbelief. If she doubts me after everything we’ve been through, then I don’t know what to say about that. I should be mad but can I actually be?

My jaw tightens. “Don’t go interrupting me if you want to get to the bottom of this.”

“Oh yes, like you’re so defensive of her when she’s not even here but couldn’t say a word when she blabbed all that gibberish about stealing you from me in my presence.” I remained quiet, listening to her rant. Hazel’s eyes redden. She blinks and turns away from me. “Like that wasn’t so cruel at all.” Her voice is wavering. I want to walk over to her but I doubt she wants me coming any closer. So I just stand here.

“Go on. Keep talking. I don’t want to be the one to ‘interrupt’.” She hisses, now making eye contact. I can tell it’s taking all she has to not break down.

I take a deep breath. I guess she needs to know. “I was at a dark place when I lost my parents.” I start, looking at my fingers spread before me. “I was so lost and did things no child should do. And it continued for years.” I sigh. I never thought I’d be explaining this to anyone or I’d have to. “That’s when Asami came to me.” As I said this, my tone lowered. I never really dive into my past or think about this part at all, till now. I tried to erase every single memory of my past encounter with Asami but without her, I’d still be the gloomy asshole I was back then. I won’t be the one Hazel would even want.

And I’ve been all but mean to Asami. It’s funny how ironic it is.

I sigh, this is not the point. “She healed me, Hazel.” I say to her, returning her gaze. “As much as you’d hate to know, she was a big part of my past. A huge part that reshaped me to be the man I am today.”

“Do you still love her?” Hazel’s voice is soft. Her question made an irritation flow through my mind and I’m sure it shows on the look plastered on my face.

“God, no! Never. The only person I love is you.” I say. I mean it. No one’s ever made me feel this crazy in such a short while. Especially someone I never expected to be more than a one time sex. With Asami, she was just as twisted as I was so it was easy to warm up to her. With Hazel. . . I desired her from day one even though I tried to deny it.

“That’s certainly reassuring.” Hazel says, turning her back on me.

“You don’t believe me?”

She looks at me. “Am I supposed to, Killian?” This question pisses me off. “You kept this away from me.”

“When have you ever asked me something that I didn’t tell you? If you wanted to know more, I wouldn’t have hesitated. For goodness sake Hazel don’t act narrow minded.”

“Narrow minded?” She blurt out my words. Hearing her repeated those words makes me know how dumb it was to say them. But I go on anyway.

“If after all we’ve been through, you think I don’t love you then I need to stop and think what you think of me.” I take a pause to catch my breath. “Do you really think that little of me?” I ask. I am both angry yet needy for an answer. “Do you really think I’d treat you like your ex did?” My voice is softer.

The way Hazel’s eyes widen then soften before dropping tells me all I need to know. She was hurt before and that experience still lives rent free in her mind.

“I’m not him.” I say to her. “I won’t do anything to hurt you.”

“Continue your story.” She says like I didn’t just tell her anything. “I don’t want to miss it.” She flashes me a sad smile, her eyes are watery at the moment.

“Asami and I fell out of touch for a while. Our break up was not so convenient.” I sigh. “I’ve always had a way to contact her but never did. That proves how much I wanted to stay away from her.” I added this on purpose. Why I don’t want to be involved with Asami is a different story altogether. “I got involved in a business deal recently and Asami happened to be the representative of the company. That’s why she moved here. To ensure I’m playing my part while organising meetings with my partner. We meet every Thursday for official meetings. That’s all there is to this.” My fists clench and I dip my other hand in my pocket, playing with my father’s zippo.

I had so much to say. I thought of every single answer to every possible question she could fire my way but now that I’m actually right in front of her, every single thing flew out my head and I’m saying completely different things.

After a long pause, Hazel finally sighs. “Okay.”

Okay? What does that mean?

“I can’t tell what you mean by that.”

“Basically what I said. Okay. You said there’s nothing going on between you two and you’re just work mates?”

I nod.

“Then that’s fine. I choose to believe you. Choosing not to won’t do either of us any good.” She breaths, hands resting on both arms as she exhales. She’s shivering. I gaze around the environment, it’s getting chilly. “I do have a question though.”

“Ask me. I’ll clear your doubt.”

The look in her eyes tell a different tale. She’s hurt. She’s saddened. It’s hard for her to take in but for some reason she’s choosing to. I hate that I can’t comprehend her feelings fully but in any case, I’m glad she’s not choosing to end things between us.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Hazel says, her tone low and calm. “If you had told me, I’d be wary and stay away. I wouldn’t even go to her or be around her. I’d reject her advances. She obviously had some ulterior motive.”

“I’m sorry.” I say genuinely. “I wasn’t aware of your close bond with her nor how established it was till she appeared in my home. When I knew Carol was Asami, I wanted to be sure what drew you two together. You said you felt like you owed her. Dropping the bomb just then didn’t seem to be wise.”

Hazel sniffs. “That makes sense.” She murmurs. “Did you know she loved you?” She pauses for a second. “Loves you, since it’s present. Were you aware of her feelings?”

I lower my gaze to fall on the floor. I’m not sure if it crossed my mind. I always made my intentions to Asami clear regardless of what transpired between us in the past. Asami is flirty with me, but isn’t she that way with everyone else?

“I’m not sure.” I respond.

“That’s a very wrong answer, Killian.” She sniffs, wiping her face with her hands.

“Please don’t cry.”

Hazel’s eyes harden. “You’re not giving me much of a choice now, are you?”

I-

I stay quiet. I don’t know if she wants me to comfort her or not.

“It’s hard enough to know I was idle of this whole thing. It’s even harder knowing that you two have been acquainted long enough yet despite this whole reveal, you’d still be working with someone with obvious motives to steal you from me.” Tears stream down her cheeks. I can’t stand still any longer. “Someone way better than me in every way.”

Oh. Oh, I see what is going on. She’s frightened. I remember our conversation when she asked me if I wanted to be with someone more stable. I think she sees everything she’s not in Asami and actually worries about Asami’s words. The guilt of this happening to her is plaguing me.

“Hazel, no one can steal me away from you. That will never happen. Not now, not ever. I’m yours, in and out. In every possible way.” I put my arms around her. She doesn’t resist my embrace and it makes consoling her easier, thankfully. “You’ve ruined me for anyone else. As long as I breathe, my heart will only beat for you. To me, no other woman but you exists. I’m yours in every single way.”

Her head sinks into my chest and she lets her eyes out. I run my hand down my back gently, patting, while trying to calm her nerves.

“You’re never going to lose me. Not now, not ever.” I add reassuringly. “And if you want me to terminate my contract with Asami’s employer, I will. No matter the cost, it’s worth it to make you feel okay.”

I feel my shirt get wet. She’s crying so vehemently. I rest my hand on her head, holding her tighter. “I’m never leaving you. Not even for Kate.” I feel Hazel’s body stiffen to my touch.

Yes, I meant what I said. I’m way too deep in love with Hazel to bond with anyone else. freewёbnoνel.com

Small fingers squeeze my shirt. “Promise me.”

I hum, trying to know if I heard her right. “Promise me you’d choose me every single time.” She pulls away from me, letting her jaw rest on my chest as she cranes her head up to face me. Her red, tears filled eyes stare into mine.

“I promise.”