Reborn To Be The Imperial Consort [BL]-Chapter 83: Thalassotélos — XVIII

For some reason, to the ten-tailed fox, the water-borne dragon’s words felt like a sucker punch to the guts. He didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know if he had anything to say at all.

This... This... All his life, the ten-tailed fox had seen all the darkness, all the ugliness but nothing— nothing like this.

He did not even have the proper words to describe what he was feeling right now, hearing Long ZhenHai say those words so nonchalantly.

Tearing his eyes away from the fire and the rising smoke, the ten-tailed fox pursed his lips as he turned his back to the dragon, his shoulders tense and his hands clenched on his sides until his knuckles turned white.

It hurt to hear those words. It hurt to hear those words, of trust, of protectiveness and— and devotion, that he had once hoped to hear; coming out of Long ZhenHai’s mouth as if they were nothing difficult.

As though to him those words came naturally when Hu Lijing was involved.

All of a sudden, the ten-tailed fox felt empty. Feeling everything at once and feeling nothing at all. It was a complex amalgamation of emotions.

It was bitterly angry and painfully aggrieved. He had thought he was below it all, sorrow, pain, happiness, envy and everything else—except for cold, burning hatred.

But evidently, if the relationship between Long ZhenHai and Hu Lijing was affecting him in this manner, he was not immune to those emotions.

The hot fire burned behind him, the flickering flames, their roars a dull sound amidst the chaos they were surrounded by, the warmth burning against his back as smoke filled the place, dark, swirling and discomforting.

As he walked away from the wall of flames and made his way towards the thoroughly charred corpse of the dragon clan’s leader, he took a deep breath, head bowed as long, messy strands of hair hung down, framing his face as he trembled in anger and— and something else.

Something he didn’t quite know.

No, he knew what it was, he simply did not want to acknowledge it.

As he stopped in front of the kneeling corpse, he looked down, his — Hu Lijing’s — borrowed crimson eyes following the swirling trail of rising smoke emitted by it. His lips pursed tightly together as he shook his head, attempting to rid himself of unnecessary thoughts as he slowly lowered himself to the ground.

His knees folded, pressing against the dirt ridden ground as he drew in a sharp harsh breath, his claws digging into his palm, tearing through the layers of skin as crimson blood flowed out, staining his claws in scarlet hues.

It stung. It didn’t quite hurt though.

He wished it did. He wished for it to hurt, but it didn’t. The viscous blood on his palms spread out as he put his hands on his lap, the warm fluid pouring out of his balled fists and into his clothes, seeping right through the flimsy layers as his body shook.

Was it anger? Was it hatred?

Or...

Was it sorrow that he was feeling?

The ten-tailed fox truly didn’t know. At this moment, he wasn’t sure if he understood the turmoil in his heart. He didn’t feel pain and yet, yet his heart seemed to ache.

The funny thing?

It was not even his own heart.

With a trembling hand pressed on his chest, the ten-tailed fox exhaled softly, kneeling in front of the disfigured corpse, he bowed his head.

The amber flames behind him danced swiftly, flickering and flailing as if they were trying to reflect his emotions.

Sometimes bright, sometimes dim, sometimes loud and sometimes mute, sometimes red and sometimes not; the flames reflected his tumultuous emotions, putting them on display in front of Long ZhenHai who frowned deeply as his gaze flickered to the ten-tailed fox’s back.

"You are trying to protect him even after what he has done?" In a faint voice, the ten-tailed fox asked, his voice thin and holding a slight, imperceptible tremble in it. "Knowing what sort of creature he gave away his body to, just for the sake of revenge?" He added as an afterthought.

For a moment, Long ZhenHai found himself taken aback at the sudden question, finding himself out of his depth as he opened and closed his mouth a few times, icy blue eyes boring on the fallen fox deity’s back.

"Yes. Yes, I am." With conviction, the water-borne dragon replied, his voice firm, if a bit tight, as he nodded despite knowing that the fallen fox deity probably couldn’t see it. "What the clans did to him, to his clan, is horrifying. I firmly believe that Jing’ge deserved to get his revenge no matter the path he chose."

The ten-tailed fox raised his head, his crimson eyes narrowed as he all but glared at the motionless kneeling corpse in front of himself; something akin to anger, bitterness and cold resentment flashed through his eyes before he quickly looked away.

"Is that so?" Almost condescendingly, the fallen fox deity hummed, his claws tracing idly on the ground under him. "Atrocities, all the bad decisions, perhaps... Secrets, no matter what he does, you will protect him?" He asked, his voice — though completely uncharacteristic to himself — was soft as he spoke, as though lamenting something.

Long ZhenHai nodded, without missing a beat, the words left his lips before his mind could fully comprehend. "Yes, yes, I will."

"How naive... Yet how admirable, truly." The ten-tailed fox chuckled, curling his fingers inwards as he hummed to himself, nodding slightly. "You mean every word you say, don’t you?"

"Without a doubt."

That was it, it was seemingly the last straw for the ten-tailed fox. His shoulders trembled as he curled to himself, head bowed deeply as small giggles left his lips, the deep, animalistic and otherworldly sound reverberating throughout the ruined hall.

The guttural laugh resounded, echoing as it bounced off the walls. Spine-chilling.

The sound of the ten-tailed fallen fox deity’s laugh was nothing if not spine-chilling.

It was cold, bitterly resentful and raw. Guttural. It physically hurt Long ZhenHai to listen to his laughter, more broken than evil, more vulnerable than malicious.

It made him cringe, gritting his teeth as he stepped back, his arm instinctively reaching up to cover his face in an attempt to protect it.

After a long time, the ten-tailed fox finally stopped laughing, it disappeared as abruptly as it came. The only evidence of it was the shallow gasps drawn by the now somewhat calm fox.

"Oh dear, oh dear," the ten-tailed fox shook his head, his crimson eyes snapping up at the charred corpse as he lunged forward, his hands grabbing onto the fragile shoulders as he leaned closer to where the dragon’s face was supposed to be. "It could have been us. It could have been us! But you— you betrayed me!! You betrayed me, you fucker!" He yelled, his anger, his hatred never more apparent than at the moment.