Pretending to Be an Untouchable Crime Boss-Chapter 182: The Don.

The voice of Hector was different, very different. It was low, and it was laced with something that James knew, it only means one thing, the thing he was scared of, that he lost another one close to him.

"Say it." James said as his pulse quickened, as his breath became shallow. He was ready for it, he was ready to hear it.

"He didn't wake up after the surgery, James. The machines are the only thing keeping him alive."

Silence again, his grip on the phone became more firm as he closed his eyes. There was no fucking way that Ferucci was this fucked up, no, no way that it was the Ferucci who never gave up on anything, and now he gave up on his life?

"He's on life support, but there's still brain activity. There's still hope, James." Hector's voice came again through the phone, still laced with uncertainty, but this time his voice was firmer. Because he knew very well how this is going to impact James himself, how it is going to impact the family itself.

Bella is in another country, Hans died, Ferucci is kept alive by machines, which meant only two of them remained in the top position, only two of them were the family heartbeat.

"There is still hope…" He whispered into the phone. "Then we will meet at the house, Hector." He said, and hung up the phone, and the moment he did, he started punching the shit out of the driver seat before him.

"Fuck!" He shouted and just more and more he beat the shit out of it, all the stress, all the emotions, all the loss, now crept upon him even more. It wasn't just about Ferucci, it wasn't about just a key member of the family, but it was about everything.

The past couple of weeks were the worst in his life. Lost many, not just people close to him, not just the connection between him and his family, but lost all hope that this is even going to be alright, that something is going to happen that will stop all this bullshit.

But no, he was the only one that could stop it.

As he calmed down and leaned back, breathing heavy, his hands were fucked up. As the ring impacted the seat, it cut his finger, not just that but also broke it. But was it good?

Was it good that he just beat the shit out of a seat, did that do something good? No, it doesn't. It just showed how fragile he is, that this life doesn't want people like him. No, he needs to fully commit himself to the darkness, for all this emotion to disappear, because with emotion, with guilt, with despair, with fear, he could not be someone who can make everything right.

He already stepped toward it, his family now was in a safe country, his emotional connection to them now was the lowest, they weren't here to weigh him down, but in the process, he shattered, losing the last bit of humanity he had, the emotions toward his own, and now that Ferucci himself was half dead, he lost it all.

He betrayed his own men, Hans and Ferucci, he betrayed his brother Rafael, they all died or are in the process of dying, and he did nothing to stop it. No, he himself is the reason they are in the ground or ready to be buried.

Terrible decision after terrible decision, he could have waited on this attack too, he could or they could have planned it more, they could have prepared for it, but it just happened so fast. His emotions just blinded him, the anger, the feel of revenge, it was all there, and he sent them there to die.

He doubted himself, because in reality, he did nothing on his own.

Hector was the one that had done everything, that built the drug empire, that made the routes, that moved the drugs, that hired the people. He is the one that did everything while he just sat back panicking about his life.

The one thing he did was pull out from the market, and what did that do?

Just more enemies, more worry, more death. He did it and caused more chaos, more catastrophe.

All his decisions, all his plans are there to cause more and more of it. He's not going to be a gangster, a kingpin, or the mafia family that rules the country, but more than that, just like the others thought, a warlord who just lives off death and despair of the people, when he wants the opposite of that.

If he is a gangster, then be one like he looked up to, get close to the people, respect them, to be a family that cares for them. But now it just started to collapse in him, all of it, because no, he was doing the complete opposite of it.

Even the deal with the government too, only could work if they kill all of their enemies. Other than that, the deal will be nothing.

Is he fighting for his family, his mother, Charlotte, or is he trying to reach the top where he looks down, not caring about anything else?

But then he remembered the talk with his mother minutes ago and an important sentence she said: "Just do whatever you need to do to stay alive." It was a sentence that had so much meaning.

To stay alive meant to keep going forward with the mafia, keep going until he reached the point where he couldn't go further, where he is the one… or to just leave it.

It could be a choice too.

Just dip and go the fuck away under a hidden identity with the hundreds of millions to his name, just dip the fuck away, and live the life he wanted to live with his family.

But how can he do that after experiencing the others' emotions, the others' stories, all of them broken people who finally found something to believe in, someone to believe in, that was none other than James himself.

A cult? A religion? A messiah?

No, the reality of their world, that getting out of the desperate life is to fight… so to fight there needs to be someone who they fight for, who can promise them what they are eager for.

Just do whatever you need to do to stay alive… kill, bribe, kidnap, torture, betray, yeah, whatever you need to do to stay alive.

His mother was right, the choice was simple. In other words a man isn't broken by what he loses, but by what he refuses to become after the loss.

James Bellini, Don of the Bellini family.

----

Authors note.