Eighteen's Bed-Chapter 27.3

"Listen carefully. The giraffe drawing I drew... wait, let me start over. I... I... the giraffe... giraffe..."

Giraffe, drew, drawing... I stuck my tongue out slightly, trying to relax it as it refused to work properly. I was sure I got it all right earlier. Why is this happening all of a sudden? I let out a big breath, bit my lips, and then opened my mouth forcefully.

"The, the... the giraffe drawing...!"

But my sentence never got completed. It was all thanks to Kang Suhyeon, who suddenly checked the time and, with a greasy smile, started mumbling.

"Remember. The current time is 9:38 PM."

"...I, I drew... ahem. Ugh!"

"Your limit. One bottle of soju, three beers. That's your maximum. And the difference in levels between you, completely drunk, and me, still sober."

What is he saying? I just sat there in shock, but Kang Suhyeon delivered his final blow.

"For a first-timer, you were pretty good at drinking."

"No, I’m not drunk. Look, I’m still speaking clearly."

"I’m the one who stopped you. If you take one more drink here? You’ll end up in a coma."

He’s getting on my nerves. Normally, I’d just say “Oh, yeah,” and bury my irritation, but the way he was teasing me like a little kid today made it impossible for me to hold back the childish discomfort. Out of sheer defiance, I grabbed the soju bottle in front of Kang Suhyeon and poured myself a glass.

"No, no, if I drink that, I’ll be the one responsible. Mmm, mmm, that’s a very bad choice."

"What if I drink it and don’t get drunk?"

"One hundred percent, the film’s gonna cut off right here."

"Then let’s make a bet..."

I was about to bring the glass to my lips. But then the phone, which I had thrown somewhere on the table, suddenly flashed and began to ring loudly. My gaze shifted, and the words I was about to say were cut off by the caller's name.

‘Go Yohan’

I quickly wiped the screen, which was covered in fingerprints, and hit the call button.

"Hello?"

Where are you?

No greeting, straight to the point. I pouted slightly.

"Who’s this?"

Kang Suhyeon, sitting in front of me, stretched his neck to listen. I ignored him lightly.

"I’m having dinner. You were sleeping, so I just came out alone."

Where?

Oh, I didn’t mention where I was. I lightly tapped my cheek and spoke again.

"It’s an all-you-can-eat meat place... the address is..."

"Who, who’s that? Who was sleeping? You’re not talking about the person I think, are you?"

"The address is a bit complicated. It’s about a 30-minute taxi ride."

Then send me the address. I’ll come.

"You’re coming here?"

Yeah.

He must’ve just woken up. I quickly looked at the clock, and it seemed a bit awkward at 9:50. He must be tired from studying, and I didn’t want to make him come out unnecessarily. After hesitating for a moment, I sniffed.

"They’re about to close soon."

Doesn’t matter. I’ll come to drop you off.

"It’s fine, I’ll be leaving soon anyway."

"Good job! Tell him not to come!"

I heard rustling noises through the speaker. Some sound of something being put down, footsteps moving. It was pretty noisy, so I quickly spoke up.

"I’m really fine."

I’m not going to see you.

"Oh, really?"

How embarrassing. I scratched my ear. I should’ve said this earlier. Instead, I foolishly spouted out some awkward lines. By the time I felt Kang Suhyeon’s hand on my shoulder, shaking me, I pressed my ear more into the speaker. I was about to say that I’d send him the address when—

I’m going to kill Kang Suhyeon. The bastard next to you is Kang Suhyeon, right?

Nope. I gave a firm response to his resolute answer.

"I’ll just go home first."

No, send the address. It’s fine.

"Uh, yeah."

Right, Go Yohan isn’t the type to listen to me. I’ll just send him the address of any random meat restaurant near the intersection and wait there. Though the words didn’t match the actions, it was a strategy for Kang Suhyeon’s sake. Even so, I felt a little sorry for the way he kept shaking me.

"What’s he saying? He’s not coming? Did you tell him you’ll just go?"

"Then hang up. I’ll look up the location and send it."

"What’s this? Why are you looking up the location? What are you sending!"

Yeah, see you later.

"Yeah, see you later."

The call ended, but I hesitated to press the power button. It felt strange, you know? I used to be ruthless about these things, but now there was a subtle lingering feeling. Even the white noise and breathing sounds on the line felt like a conversation I didn’t want to miss. Even though there were some rustling sounds, the call didn’t end, so I spoke first.

“Hang up first.”

You hang up first.

“Alright, should I hang up?”

The playful words returned as a low laugh that scratched at my throat. He must’ve just woken up. His voice, drunk from sleep, tickled my ears.

Oh, you hang up.

I don’t know why that low mumble sounds so good. I absentmindedly scratched my ear with the opposite side of the phone and, without a word, abruptly ended the call. I just felt like scratching my whole body. I absentmindedly stared at the messy app-filled home screen of my phone and, before I knew it, I chuckled.

I must be really crazy. Shaking my head lightly, I turned my gaze to the source of all the noise. There was Kang Suhyeon, standing like a scared wildcat, showing his teeth.

“…What are you doing?”

“Was that your friend just now?”

I glanced at the home screen again and nodded indifferently. At the same time, Kang Suhyeon froze. What’s there to be so freaked out about? Honestly, it was me who found it ridiculous.

“Tell him not to come.”

“No way.”

“Why not? It’s late, your friend will have a hard time. Very, very rude. Let me rephrase. Let’s make a call again.”

“I said no.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to see him.”

“Huh?”

Why is he looking so dumbfounded? Isn’t it obvious? I didn’t stop the floating feeling in my chest and spoke again.

“Because I want to see Go Yohan right now, so no.”

I grinned, my lips stretched wide, watching the clueless Kang Suhyeon. Well, what would someone in the science field know, right? Suddenly, I felt like I’d said too much unnecessary stuff to Kang Suhyeon, but I dismissed it as I had to look up the address to send to Go Yohan.

I was annoyed because he kept interrupting during the call earlier. Despite the situation, I was already planning to send him to another address. Yeah, what does Kang Suhyeon know? How could he be drunk?

I took a gulp of the lukewarm soju I had been fiddling with. Then, with a triumphant look on my face, I turned to Kang Suhyeon and said:

“See, I’m not drunk.”

Kang Suhyeon, who was making a ruckus and hastily rushing out of the store, was momentarily disregarded. I quietly stared at the free-use ticket lying on the dirty table.

How disgusting. I’m not sure what’s disgusting—maybe the way the ticket looks, or maybe it’s just me. I wasn’t sure which answer would be the right one or if there was an answer in the options provided, so I decided to clear my mind and let it go. Finally, I moved my sluggish body and picked up the ticket. Where should I put this?

“Oh, my wallet.”

I could just put it in my wallet. Ah, I’m so smart. I shoved my wallet into my back pocket, stood up, and grabbed my coat, which reeked of meat. This is really the worst. But what else can I do?

I put on my coat and left the store, heading towards the big intersection. Even though it was past 10 PM, the streets were still noisy. The difference between an adult’s night out and a high schooler’s night out is just too much.

The people who can enjoy the culture and those who just long for it are in entirely different leagues. Looking at all the flyers scattered on the ground, advertising clubs, nothing seemed more depressing and ugly than that. When I wasn’t an adult, I used to envy even the miserable symbols of adulthood. Cigarettes, alcohol, sex. Back then, and even now, I think it’s all terrible bravado.

The alcohol wasn’t consumed to get drunk, it was for showing off; the cigarettes weren’t smoked because life was tough, but because I wanted to look stronger than others; and the sex wasn’t because I loved someone, it was because I thought I had to, because everyone else did, and because cool guys did it. What’s the value in any of that?

There are times when everything I’ve struggled to build over 12 years feels pointless in an instant. Right now is one of those times. I’ll probably look back at myself a few years from now and think, "A philosopher? What a fucking idiot, so full of himself."

"When the hell am I going to stop acting like a kid?"

A white breath slipped out between my lips.

I arrived at the intersection where cars were zooming by. My hands felt like they were freezing, so I shoved them into my coat pockets and leaned against the dirty window. I noticed a sticker stuck to the glass: pig intestines. Pig skin.

“Terrible location choice.”

I straightened my back and moved to lean against a nearby pillar. The cold air from the brick wall seeped into my coat. My chilled skin trembled, and the air signaling the start of the night started to descend beneath the road.

At the same time, I caught a familiar yet unfamiliar smell. A cold, fishy scent. A corner of my mouth lifted. I knew exactly who it was.

“I hate myself too.”

“Wow, really?”

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A voice suddenly came from behind the pillar. I turned to look. ‘As expected.’

Before I could open my mouth, Go Yohan’s fingers slipped under the edge of my coat, pinching it gently between his index and middle fingers. He pulled it, shaking it lightly, just enough for me to feel a slight tickle, and then with his playful eyes and a tone full of affection, he said:

“You came quickly.”

“I took a taxi, so it was close.”

“That’s why I called you.”

If it had been farther, I wouldn’t have called you. I raised my chin and puffed out my chest. It was strange, but I felt like I was walking on air. Go Yohan tapped my cheek with the back of his hand and said:

“You’re smart.”

“I am smart.”

“Then why do you hate such a smart guy?”

“Because I don’t think I can keep the promise I made with you.”

“What promise?”

His playful eyes twisted into something serious, and he asked earnestly. Wow, he’s asking me seriously after saying it himself. I couldn’t help but let out a short laugh, mixed with my breath.

“I went to Kang Suhyeon’s house.”

“Ah!”

At that moment, Go Yohan opened his mouth widely as if he realized something and clapped his hands loudly. The sound of flesh meeting flesh was drowned out by the passing motorcycle speeding by. Go Yohan’s left index finger, which had left his right palm, lightly tapped below his curved lips.

“It was a joke. Just something I said. If we’d been together until now, I might’ve half-killed you, though.”

“You said it as a joke?”

“Yeah, have you ever seen me lie?”

I’ve seen it a hell of a lot. I just shrugged, and Go Yohan bit his lower lip lightly.

“Jun.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You were cursing at me with your eyes just now.”

Busted. I stayed quiet, but Go Yohan suddenly burst into laughter. White breath rose toward the sky. I stared at him absentmindedly, and Go Yohan stopped laughing and said:

“Guess whether I’m lying right now.”

What? A strange quiz show was suddenly being proposed in the middle of the street. Every time speeding cars whizzed by, the wind slapped my face. Go Yohan flicked his front teeth lightly with his fingernail, and finally, he quietly spoke:

“Go Yohan is hungry right now.”

“......”

A flower that never bloomed on my clavicle fell heavily. Messing with someone’s heart like this—how is that not an intentional evil act? I clenched my jaw, which was stiff and barely moving, and answered.

“That’s a lie.”

“Wrong.”

Go Yohan lightly teased me. Then, with a smirk at the corners of his mouth, he mocked me.

“You can’t even be sure if it’s a lie or not on your own, yet you judge it so freely. Right, Jun?”

“Hey. Seriously.”

In response to my unexpected reaction, Go Yohan suddenly extended his right hand. Seeing his finger come close to my face, I reflexively closed one eye in surprise.

Go Yohan’s index and middle fingers pressed down gently on my eye area. His cold fingers from the winter air touched my eyelids, pulling with just a slight force. It was only then I realized that Go Yohan was holding my eyelashes.

“Ah, ahh.”

It didn’t hurt since his middle finger wasn’t able to apply much force, but the sensation of my eyelashes being pulled was so unfamiliar. It felt as if my face was being dragged forward, and when I saw Go Yohan grinning down at me, I quickly leaned my head back. Reflexively, I touched the area near my eyes, where he had grabbed me.

“...What did you just do?”

“I touched your eyelashes.”

The kind of absurd thing Go Yohan says is, as always, unchanged. I don’t think I asked about that. Still, the tension left on my eyelashes made me rub my eyes so hard that tears involuntarily welled up. Seeing that, Go Yohan said:

“The shadow cast by the streetlight was pretty.”

I stopped rubbing my eyes forcefully. But Go Yohan never lets me think for a moment.

“Pitiful. You’ll never see the shadow of your eyelashes in your life.”

His words, as usual, were nonsensical. I was too distracted, staring at the ground illuminated by the streetlight, to hear them.

On the way back, I secretly touched my eyelashes with my fingers. It was impossibly itchy.

We stayed silent throughout the entire taxi ride. The sound of the engine and the heater were the only things filling the car.

Whenever I ride alone, I always get chatty drivers, but strangely, when I’m with Go Yohan, I only get silent drivers. Maybe it’s because I look approachable, and Go Yohan seems intimidating. I pouted my lips. The doubt I had quickly turned into insecurity. I knew it was a bad habit to dig too deep, but today, I couldn’t help but feel childish.

Well, Kang Jun, you’re still a kid. Honestly, Go Yohan and I, we’re both the same. My self-reflection quickly shifted to self-criticism. I think I’m pretty good at self-hatred.

The air was already dry, and the heater made the roof of my mouth sting. I rolled my tongue to moisten the dry ceiling, but even when I wetted it, the roof of my mouth stayed cracked. The only moist thing was the three fingers Go Yohan had taken while the driver wasn’t looking. I rested my chin on the window and pretended to look outside.

Despite the ridiculous act, I didn’t push his hand away. I leaned my chin against the opposite window, only watching.

<In 300 meters, turn right, destination ahead.>

The turn signal blinked, and I could hear the clicking sound. It was as if it was urging me to get out quickly. Not that we wanted to get out, though.

The taxi stopped, and Go Yohan fumbled to pull his wallet from his pocket but accidentally dropped it.

“Ah, damn-.”

At that moment, Go Yohan’s face seemed to turn a bit red in the dark, but I could tell by the three fingers that hadn’t folded. I glanced at the scene secretly, but quickly moved.

I gently pulled my hand free and slipped it inside my coat. Oh, I had put my wallet in my back pocket earlier. Luckily, I remembered it. So, I didn’t have to do any slapstick comedy trying to find my wallet in my jacket.

“The card will work.”

The driver silently pressed the number buttons on the card reader above the heater.

“Wait.”

“Please pay with this, sir.”