[BL] Debut in Interstellar After Retiring as Grim Reaper-Chapter 146: Desire

Chapter 146: Desire

Bai Ruan covered her mouth and slid down on the cold floor, her face was all pale and her tears started falling. She’s in an extremely tight situation right now because of that post.

Who?! Who did it?! Who dares to expose their secrets?!

Besides, how did they even know it when the police weren’t even able to uncover the truth years ago?! Then what if they’ll also find out that it was really Bai Ling who pushed Bai Yue to death?!

No, no! They have no evidence! As long as they won’t find out! What was spread outside was just some information but without any evidence! This can still be saved!

Bai Ruan grit her teeth and thought of the countless measures she has to do to clean this mess. She must inform Bai Ling first so they can act together.

Unfortunately, even when she tried to contact the management of Dream Star, they never let her talk to Bai Ling because it was against the rules of the competition. She has to wait after the performance to finish in order to contact him.

But... no contact? How is that even possible when the guests themselves have access outside the training camp?

It’s just that before Bai Yue decided to post this matter, he went to Qian Jin and proposed to close their brain in the excuse of being fair to the trainees and avoid disturbances. Thus, Bai Ruan could only start getting crazier on how to deal with this mess.

***

While outside was getting messier again, the training continued.

As usual, Qin An’s group was still in a dilemma.

Qin An was too stiff. He could not get himself inside the story nor even can comfortably get too close to Han Suwen. It’s not that he didn’t like the young man but Qin An was never used to being close to someone except for emergency circumstances.

But clearly, in this round, what was actually the problem was not this but rather the emotion he has to convey.

Since he took Bai Yue’s original’s position, he has to learn how to sing that part with such emotions. Bai Yue’s part was very important because they intended to use him to boost their popularity. They already planned to even give him a special part where he has to dance solo on stage.

Now it has to be Qin An. Dancing was not the problem or even the singing part was lesser but his emotions. He was even having a hard time expressing his real thoughts. What about the situation where he has to immerse himself on something he had not experienced in the first place?

If someone could give advice to him, it has to be someone who’s good at acting and empathizing. Pei Roujin was unfortunately busy with the other groups and so were the other mentors so they could not ask. As for Bai Yue, he was not Bai Ling.

He doesn’t know how to act like Bai Ling so he was out of the picture.

Thus, the last one they could think of is Han Suwen himself.

Even if the young man is very distant and voiceless, he was undoubtedly one of the best trainees in this competition. He was good at expressing himself on stage and is very strong too.

And since it has to be him and Qin An, they really have to form a connection too.

So, while others were practicing, Han Suwen and Qin An went to the corner of the training room. They sat on the floor face to face and decided to talk.

But how easy is that?

It was already a minute or so but the two were still silent and certainly didn’t have anything that they called ’chemistry’.

Qin An lowered his head and looked through the lyrics of the song again.

His mind was filled with questions.

He doesn’t understand the main emotion inside this song.

Love.

How do you even fall in love in the first place? Why do they fall in love with others? How does it feel?

"Do you have something you desire to have but could not?"

Qin An paused when he heard Han Suwen finally broke the ice between them. He raised his head and met the young man’s eyes.

Han Suwen’s eyes were calm, very unlikely to the usual indifference yet a foxy look.

"Desire?"

"Since you haven’t experienced feeling in love, the song can be interpreted with something else."

"Can you do that? Can you still immerse yourself in the song when you’re thinking about something else?" Qin An asked. Alternating something to immerse yourself? Can that be possible?

"Why not?" Han Suwen leaned his back on the mirror. "Unrequited love isn’t just love for someone. It’s not just about loving someone who can’t love you back and giving up on them..." His eyes looked at the trainees behind them.

"Loving but giving up in the end is something we often do."

"How?" Qin An raised his brow. He was actually a bit surprised by the young man’s words. Han Suwen was clearly opening himself to help the group unlike what he was doing for the past few days ago.

"It’s just something you desire... but you have to lose a grip on it."

Han Suwen turned his head lightly and looked at him. "What’s your desire?"

Desire? It’s something that he wanted, right?

... He doesn’t know.

Qin An certainly doesn’t have too many desires or wants in his life. When he was a grim reaper, he was never that someone who desires anything. Maybe when he wanted a stronger weapon? But he just thought his previous ones were not convenient to him, but he never desired to have those.

He also didn’t even remember why he chose to be a human.

... or was that a desire?

Was that a wish that he had been wanting to have so he wished that?

Qin An lowered his head a bit and stared at his hands blankly. What was something he wanted to hold back then?

He doesn’t know.

He hasn’t experienced that... has he?

Qin An thought deeper but couldn’t so at the end, he wanted to tell Han Suwen that he didn’t know, yet when he opened his lips and was about to say it, he suddenly felt an ache inside his heart.

Qin An was stunned and subconsciously held his chest when he felt it tighten even more.

He frowned.

What is this all about?

"Are you okay?" Han Suwen asked but he shook his head lightly.

"I don’t know how to answer your question," he finally said.

Han Suwen didn’t speak for a few seconds.

"You don’t know?"

He nodded. He doesn’t—

"Or you just forgot?"

"..."

That left him speechless.

... What did he forget?

****